Thinking in Circles
by AmayaSora
Summary: oneshot A rather psycho-analytic piece about both House and Wilson from Wilson's POV no pairing, though


**Hello again! This little thing here is, I must admit, a **_**very **_**psycho-analytic piece. **_**Very **_**psychology-oriented, because I was in my psycho-analysis phase when I wrote it.**

**Never the less, I'm quite proud of it. It's written from Wilson's POV, as are most things I do, I've noticed. It's his perceptions of House, but I think you learn about him too, or at least what I interpret those characters to be. **

**Reviews are welcome and encouraged. -**

**-AmayaSora **

_**DISCLAIMER: **_**I don't own House, M.D. and I don't make money from writing about it. **

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I think it's pretty much impossible to make a portrait of House. I honestly do. There's just too much there, too much going on, to unify everything. Too many things that have made him who he is today. So any portrait of House would turn into a collage, a seemingly random conglomeration of parts: thoughts, feelings, ideas, actions, and they all mean different things, almost all contradict each other. Overlapping in places, many places, but never fully meshing together in any semblance of order. Never completely separate, either, but never fully unified. It's the same with the man himself. He's never fully grounded, or fully off in space or in his own mind. He's always a little of both.

House is known for his snarkiness, for his biting comments that hit incredibly close to home because they're completely true. House will walk into a room, talk to whoever's inside it for all of five seconds, and declare firmly, "You're an idiot." And the thing is, the person really _is _an idiot. House says what everyone in the room is thinking, but is too afraid to say. House has no fear of social repercussions, and that, I think, makes him damn near fearless.

If you think about it, he is fearless. He doesn't care what he does, what rules he breaks, so long as he gets what he wants in the end. He doesn't care what people think of him. Most people would consider these things faults, pretty serious faults. But, as with everything related to House, there's another side to the coin. He lies, and cheats, and steals, and breaks laws (and numerous codes of conduct), sure. But he's intelligent, _extremely _intelligent, and cunning, and very good at reading people. And he uses these good qualities… and the bad ones, to save lives. No one can deny that, whatever his reasons for doing so, he saves people's lives. Frequently. Long after most other doctors would have given up, there he is, still staring at his white board, mind whirring, trying to find the answer. He'll break whatever rules he has to to get the treatments or tests. He'll insult and manipulate whoever he has to to find the truth. Which is why, if you get to know him at all, you find it very hard to believe that he doesn't care. Because why would someone with Greg's talents spend so much time on something he didn't care about?

He wouldn't, I'm sure of it. And if anyone else saw this, anyone, they'd instantly like him. They'd instantly see past what outwardly seem like negative qualities to see the light shining through the veil, to see the good in these negative qualities. But they don't. No one is able to see past the outer layer, the shell, to the treasure within… well, almost no one. There've been a few. Me, for one, and Cameron, and Cuddy. But the rest of the world, they don't understand. They don't get it. And that's why he can be surrounded by people, all talking to him, all colleagues, and yet be completely alone. He closes himself off, shuts himself away, refuses to connect, because he doesn't see the point. He figures that he can let people see what they expect to see and be done with it. They don't understand him, anyway.

So you can see why I like being with House so much. I can let him know that he's _not _completely alone, that he _does_ have people who understand him. I can show him that the goodness within him doesn't go unnoticed. That's probably why Cameron still visits him even after she quit.

And, subconsciously, I guess I'm hoping some of House's fearlessness will rub off on me. The world in general, and me in particular, put too much emphasis of fitting into society, on being accepted and loved. I'm terrified of being alone, terrified of people not liking me. That's why I cheat, why I'm so unendingly nice. I wish I could be like House, wish I could stop caring about and stop _fearing _people's opinions.

Maybe I'm getting there. Maybe, slowly, I'm getting there. With House I can be as cruel as I want to be, say what I want to say, and not care. He'll come back. Because he realizes what I'm doing and why I need that. I can be mean; I can manipulate and lie. I can let my true self come out. That's what House has done for me.

It really sobered me, to realize that the Jimmy I am around House is so different from the James I am with the world at large. It sobered me to realize that I don't really know myself very much at all. And, by coincidence (or maybe there are no coincidences), the thing House is best at is understanding people. I'm hopeful that House can understand me, can understand Jimmy or James or Wilson or whoever I actually am. Completely understand him, like he does everything else. And that he can explain myself to me. Sound odd, doesn't it? Having someone explain you to yourself. But I've discovered that it's necessary. It's necessary, because other people think differently than you. They see things from different angles. I think House, for example, thinks in circles. He starts at one thing and that leads to another, and so on and so on. And, by thinking in circles, you get back to the same thing, but from a different direction, in a new way. That's just one of many ways House is different from most people, because they think in lines.

Whatever you think of Gregory House, you can't deny that he's a rare kind of person. You can't deny that the puzzles he finds in everything are there for anyone who cares enough to look. I can't deny that he's working on the puzzle of James Wilson even now. And I can't wait until he's finished it.


End file.
